I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
