You smell like a Billy Joel song
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
