How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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