exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
