I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
