I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I came so hard my ears popped.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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