don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
