i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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