You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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