I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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