hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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