She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
