He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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