come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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