I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
