it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
