The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
