just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
