I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize