so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
