I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
