Pappa wants mamma naked
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
