she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
