Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
