If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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