Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
