I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We just shotgunned beers for America
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
