Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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