I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
