someone threw a dead crab at me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
