Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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