Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He better not be in your backpack
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
