he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
