garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
