I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
