I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
