I think my vagina is haunted
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
