i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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