just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
