All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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