She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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