carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
