if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
