You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
