watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
