I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
