why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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