You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
