I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
