you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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