It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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