If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
