I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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