i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
