Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
