so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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