I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
