Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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