i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
