I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
