shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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