so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
