the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
