Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
