He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
