New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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