i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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