I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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