Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
