i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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