I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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