Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
