i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
