i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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