Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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